Maverick Hunter Zero's Journal|
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Maverick Hunter Zero's LiveJournal:
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|Sunday, February 5th, 2012|
| To Do List:
-Throw a 1970 television set out of a sixth-storey window
-Scream "NEXT TIME, FUCKERS" as it plummets to the ground
|Saturday, October 2nd, 2010|
Earlier today, someone came running up to me and breathlessly asked for my help: Two human Hunters were engaged in a furious fight near main Hunter dispatch.
Well, I took off and found the row soon enough. Two males, really digging into each other, and both of them knew a little something about melee fighting. I got knocked around as I tried to separate them, and one of the Hunters who helped me lost a tooth.
Once we finally pulled them apart, I asked my charge what in God's name he was on about. He was a big, bald fellow with blood running down his face from a particularly nasty cut on his forehead, and he burst into tears when I asked him what set the whole thing off. I was genuinely concerned until he told me that his opponent was, quote, "a stone-cold dickweed" who said Milo & Otis is a dumb movie. My charge started to cry harder as I led him away, and he blubbered something about how Milo delivered his own kittens and was "Totally pimp.
This day has been absolutely ridiculous and I am dumber for having experienced it.
|Saturday, June 19th, 2010|
Junichiro is getting married again. He sent me an invitation. I'm supposed to RSVP.
Problem is, I can't find the ticky box that says "No, I do not wish to attend your antiquated mating ceremony for twits."
|Sunday, September 13th, 2009|
|That's why you're kids, cuz you're stupid
This morning, Mettaurs put down some concrete to patch up the sidewalk outside MHHQ's main entrance. I collared a girl who was writing something in the wet cement with a stick.
So what message did this teenager embed on the doorstep of the most conflicted and controversial institution that will ever exist in her generation?"PEE."
Are kids getting more boring, or am I imagining things?
|Friday, May 1st, 2009|
|The grass has riz
Must be spring.
...I gave Cain's five-year-old great-grand nephew ten bucks after he pointed to a pair of vagrants mating on the lawn of MHHQ and told his uncle that he wanted to wrestle, too.Somebody's
ancient heart took a hyper spaz at the scene. Word around the Headquarters is that Cain will have to be permanently hooked up to a life support unit. Old grey gelding just ain't what he used to be.
|Monday, December 29th, 2008|
|Your hair's too short and neat
I've come down from the upper class to mend your rotten ways!
My father was a man of power, whom everyone obeyed
So come on all ye criminals, I've got to put you straight!
Just like I did with my old man--twenty years too late.
|Wednesday, October 29th, 2008|
|Drive Boy Dog Boy
So about a thousand years ago I told you all about a human Hunter I took a liking to named Junichiro Smith. He's still with us and as schizophrenic as ever. He has a kid now. Actually, he had a kid like four years ago. His name is Juntaro-William-Naoki-Charles Smith. Apparently Junichiro and his wife had a cultural tug-of-war about this naming thing and it ended in divorce.
Too bad for Junichiro because after all that, everyone just calls the kid Tipsy McStagger. He was dropped on his head as an infant and then promptly carried away by a dog, so his coordination isn't the greatest. The doctors still aren't sure if his clumsiness can be attributed to his fall, or the fact that he was nursed by that stray dog for six weeks before anyone found him. He still has a thing about walking on all fours.
Cain heard another Hunter, Durham, mumble something about Tipsy needing the final needle. Durham got in a lot of trouble for that.
|Thursday, September 18th, 2008|
What is it with humans who smell bad?
How is it that you...people
can travel into the furthest reaches of space but can't buy a bar of soap for ninety-nine cents at your local conveniently-marked drug store?
...Oh Christ, it just crossed my mind. You idiots made us reploids
but the majority of you smell like alpha chimps in a neglected monkey house.
Who says God has no sense of humor?
Reploids are better than humans because we don't stink.
At least, not like mammals. We are manly and pungent with the smell of war and steel! Hear our lusty drinking song! Blah blah blaaaaah!
One day this post is going to be presented to the Tribunal as evidence of me having Maverick intent. I don't care. Humans! Take baths! The females of your species dig the smell of clean.
I will continue to gladly put my life in danger so that you may access hot running water and perfumed animal fats. I promise.
|Wednesday, May 17th, 2006|
|Paradise Lost. Reward offered.
Lumine, have you ever actually read
"Paradise Lost?" Or are you just making random Biblical references like all the "cool" kids these days?
How 'bout that hot Adam on Eve sex? Hurff, spew.
|Wednesday, May 4th, 2005|
|It's a Bittersweet Symphony, this life.
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Well, my life's been obscenely busy. Want I should write about my trails and punctuate them with lyrics from "Superman" by Five For Fighting? No you effing don't. Good for you.
Seriously though, I've really had the whip to my back since I last wrote, and I'm not just talking about my encounter with that crazy bondage queen, Ferham. I can remember a time when X and I would go for years without so much as a peep from Sigma, and now it just seems as if Sigma is around to say HAY U GUYZ!!! whenever the retail season spikes at Christmas or in summer or whatever.
Fate is a funny thing, isn't it?
|Thursday, January 29th, 2004|
|Sunday, December 21st, 2003|
|Ban bean tacos
Things are pretty quiet during the holidays. A lot of the human Hunters have family to go home to, and some of the reploids get nostalgic and visit their assembly plants. Me, I serve a vital purpose. I still work because someone
has to. No, it's not because I don't have anywhere to go. 'Scuse me, I got something in my eye.
There. To pass the time (since Christmas Spirit even makes Mavericks kind of drowsy with good cheer and the worst thing they ever do is rip baby Jesus from a manger scene and play hockey with Him) I've been studying cause and effect. The effect
of whalloping Cain with a snowball will cause
him to put you on latrine duty for two days.
Maybe he would've taken it with better humour if I hadn't stuck the snowball in the freezer for six hours. And then missed my initial target. Hey, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if he got hit in the stomach, but now that I sit here and type it out, I guess getting attacked in the groin with a lump of ice shot at 50 miles per hour probably didn't feel so good. I guess you don't think about that kind of thing when you're a reploid. I'm going to go apologise to Cain now. Have a Merry Christmas with your families and such.
...Damn screen is blurring up again. Current Mood: *sniff.*
|Friday, December 19th, 2003|
Wow, I haven't written in a while. I guess it's because I'm Zero, and I have so much stuff to do. Or maybe I'm just lazy.
The silvery glory of the non-denominational winter festivities of your choice are here. Guess what you're all getting? JACK SQUAT! Ha ha ha! Except for that wooden cross I promised X ...
Nah, I'll go shopping. At 3 pm on the 24th. Not like I do anything else with my pay. I barely earn it, I don't need it, but if the HQ misses one payment, I'll raise hell!
|Thursday, November 27th, 2003|
If X ever tells any of you that he caught me dancing to some mp3's of The Pet Shop Boys, it's a filthy lie.
|Monday, November 17th, 2003|
|There was a cat that really was gone
I took a human Hunter scouting with me today, a fellow named Junichiro Smith. Jeez, I wonder if he's
a half-breed. Anyway, I don't like dragging humans along on my missions, but he's a newcomer who shows some potential, so Cain thought that I should take him under my wing (and deliver the news to his wife when he inevitably gets his head blown off by a psycho Maverick).
I took him to area 158, formerly Neighbourly Lane until some Mavericks turned it into a neighbourly barbeque pit. Recently, we've been pretty serious about reclaiming the area, but as it is now it's not one of your more delightful tourist spots. Junichiro was apprehensive when he heard where we were going, but I told him that if he didn't want to come along he could go home and play with his sister's dolls.
Things went pretty well, and gleaned our information with minimal threats of torture for our side. I took a liking to Smith, and was impressed with his performance, so I took him out for lunch. He complained that his order of chicken wings tasted like dead pidgeon gobbets, and his confrontation with the cook escalated until it ended up "outside."
Junichiro came back 5 minutes later with his left eye swollen shut, and a gash on his forehead that suited the sharp edge of a spatula. He didn't say anything to me, he just lit a cigarette and puffed away sullenly. The waitress came by and reminded him politely that smoking isn't allowed, and he knocked his chicken wings onto the floor. Then he finished his smoke before putting it out on the table and telling me he was ready to go ... but not before he thanked me politely for the lunch.
I like him.
|Wednesday, November 12th, 2003|
|Pavlov would be proud
Every time I hear this song, I instantly think of Iris, then I fall to the floor, curl up in a ball, and start sobbing like a heart-broken milkmaid.
Why am I revealing this to the public?
|Tuesday, November 11th, 2003|
I invented this great new game called "Throw Hammers at the Ceiling." The object is to throw hammers at the ceiling until something crumbles. If the hammer hits you on the way back down and knocks you unconscious, you lose. The Huntress locker rooms are right above the gameroom, so if the ceiling collapses and a chick falls into your lap, you instantly win. It's kind of like Quidditch, but with more hammers and naked women.
God, I wish a Maverick would attack and I could forget, if only for a few glorious moments, how pathetic I really am.
|Thursday, November 6th, 2003|
I hate the laughter of children.
|Monday, November 3rd, 2003|
|Saturday, November 1st, 2003|
Some kids came Trick or Treating around the HQ last night. How did they get past security, anyway? I have a feeling some bribes took place. Warden, the nightshift guard for Gate C, once told me he has a real weakness for Paydays.
Anyway, one kid was dressed up as me, and if I may discard my manliness for a minute, it was soooooooo
CUTE!!! I didn't have any candy on me, but I gave the kid half a pack of Menthos I had in my pocket. When his brothers asked where their candy was, I told them bugger off, you didn't dress up like me.
I just spent an hour hosing egg off the north side of the building. Little bastards.